(Caution! Don't Read! Not translatable. Do not translate!)
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous
he could hardly speak. After mass he asked
the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor
replied, "When I am worried about getting
nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka
next to the water glass. If I start to get
nervous, I take a sip. So the next Sunday
he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning
of the sermon, he got nervous and took a
drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon
his return to his office after mass, he found
the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior and the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's.
Original Message-----From: ALLEN & MARY ANN HATFIELD. Via Mr. Joe Ikemi.